Tag Archives: yellow

Newsflash: Extensive Glove Archive Uncovered

A RARE collection of rubber glove photos unearthed from a north Wales computer archive has stunned local cats.

More than 10 photos of sacrificial gloves, including a unique blue glove, were discovered as the short haired human searched around on his external hard drive for an unrelated photo of a building.

Hidden for months, the photos provide a unique insight into the rubber glove collecting habits of a local black cat in June and July 2011.

Experts said the discovery disproved the myth that Jessie failed to bring any gloves back to the house between April 2011 and January 2012.

Instead, they said it showed Jessie had collected a wide range of gloves, from left handed to right handed, clean to dirty, in singles and in pairs.

The short haired human said that he knew immediately that he had stumbled upon a rare find.

“It was easy to see it was something special but we weren’t able to confirm that until someone with more knowledge had a look,” he said.

“The trouble is that there simply isn’t another collection like this in the world. As far as we know, Jessie is unique.”

Silky, a local cat, said the discovery could alter perceptions of the era.

She said: “This collection gives us our first proper overview of Jessie’s activities around July last year.

“Its enormous size not only gives us insights into what kind of gloves were available at the time, but also the kind of places that Jessie felt like leaving them.”

with apologies to the Birmingham Mail

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Rubber Gloves

12th February is St Margoldt’s Day. St Margoldt is the patron saint of household chores, motor oil and long-chain polymers. Here is what is known about St Margoldt’s life:

Margoldt of Scunthorpe (also known as Yellow Margoldt, probably as a result of jaundice) was born some time around 1220. He completed his studies at Grimsby and then returned to Scunthorpe where he became a hermit, living in a network of caves and tunnels underneath what is now Specsavers. Some sources list his death as being in 1285, others as 1295. Either way, he didn’t quite make the 14th century.

Miracles attributed to St Margoldt:
– A woman with dirty hands visits a well frequented by St Margoldt; she later finds that the stains have vanished
– After seeing St Margoldt in the street, a man waterproofs the hull of his small boat with tar. Despite making a right old mess and getting sticky black gunk in lots of places it shouldn’t be, his hands remain clean
– A washerwoman hears St Margoldt walk past her hut, whistling a tune. Later, despite having had her hands in water for over 2 hours, her finger ends are not in the slightest bit wrinkled
– A young child, playing in a muddy field, trips over one of St Margoldt’s sandals that came off as St Margoldt was returning to his cave after foraging for berries, and which he is now annoyed at having lost. When the young child stands up, he instinctively goes to wipe his hands on his smock, but notices to his astonishment that they are still dry

It is traditional on St Margoldt’s day to give a pair of rubber gloves to a loved one.

Glove 1
Orientation: Left hand
Cleanliness: 9
Integrity: 10
Eversion: 10 (100% right way round)

Glove 2
Orientation: Right hand
Cleanliness: 9
Integrity: 10
Eversion: 10 (100% right way round)

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Rubber Glove

From: Cat Scan Forensic Services <xxxx@xxx-xxxx.com>
Subject: Test results

Dear Ms The Cat,

Further to our recent correspondence, I am pleased to enclose test results from your submitted specimen, reference number C4T-0029855. I trust that this provides all the information that you require, however should you wish to discuss these results further, or require any clarification on matters arising, please do not hesitate to contact us.

We thank you once again for using our services and look forward to being of help in the future.

Mr Smudge

—————————————–

Specimen reference: C4T-0029855b
Description: Glove, rubber
DNA trace: 3 previous handlers
Handler 1: Quality control operative Lu Gang Chen, human, south mainland China, 22 human years, black hair.
Handler 2: Unidentified female, human, north Wales, uncertain age, light hair.
Handler 3: Unidentified female, cat, north Wales, 9-10 human years, black hair.
Orientation: Left hand
Cleanliness: 5 (filthy fingers and palm area)
Integrity: 10 (fully intact)
Eversion: 9 (slight wrist-curl)
Colour: Yellow
Match with specimen reference #C4T-0029855a (‘The 27th January Glove’): Yes
Confidence: 99.3%

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Rubber Glove

I’ve written some new lyrics to Back Home, the classic England 1970 World Cup Song. My agent is waiting by the phone NOW ready to take calls from any adventurous major record labels willing to push a few boundaries and break a few rules. If you can’t get through at first because the lines are busy, keep trying!

(intro: clapping and brass stabs)
Ru-bberrrrrr – glove rubber glove rubber glove
Ru-bber glove rubber glove,
Ru-bberrrrrr – glove rubber glove rubber glove
Ru-bber glove rubber glove,
Ru-bberrrrrr – glove rubber glove rubber glove
Ru-bberrrrrr – glove rubber glove rubber glove
Ru-bber glove rubber glove rubber
Glove rubber glooooove ruuuu-berrrrrr

Orientation: Right hand
Cleanliness: 5 (filthy fingers and palm area)
Integrity: 10 (fully intact)
Eversion: 9 (slight wrist-curl)
Colour: Yellow

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Rubber Glove

Rubber glove

Observation: There has been an unprecedented run of seven consecutive sets of plastic rings. In the cat world, two is considered to be mildly interesting but ultimately fairly unremarkable; three is thought to be interesting and noteworthy, a curious statistical anomaly; four is variously seen as genuinely shocking, bizarre, miraculous, upsetting, supernatural; a run of anything above four, if such a thing is ever even given any consideration at all, is likely believed to have gone so far into the realm of the freakish as to inspire the feeling that a parallel universe has been entered and/or that the end-times are fast approaching. But in the same way that the sun has risen in the east now sufficiently often for us to not only feel confident that it will do so again tomorrow, but in fact for us to go beyond confident belief into the land of brazen, mindless grant-taking, so it is currently felt that a run of seven plastic rings, all deposited in the general area of the front door, has established a pattern so strong, so rigidly and reassuringly predictable, that there will always now be plastic rings.

Objective: Smash the system / break the routine / shock people and cats out of their trance-like acceptance of the status quo.

Proposal 1: Leave a plastic ring by the back door. This creates a gentler form of surprise, since the location is generally seen as secondary to the gift itself. A plastic ring left by the back door is still a plastic ring. But it does suggest that there are alternatives to the routine. This may be too subtle for some observers to fully appreciate, but on the other hand it is unlikely to lead to mass panic and civil unrest.

Proposal 2: A return to basics, in the form of a rubber glove. The shock of change will be softened by the warmth of vague familiarity.

Proposal 3: The introduction of a new and previously unknown gift-type, such as a telephone or prosthetic limb. A clear wake-up call for sure, but risks being too powerful and could lead to outbreaks of violence.

Recommended Course of Action: Proposal 2 – Acquisition of a rubber glove.

Glove Status
Orientation: Left hand
Cleanliness: 9 (occasional spotting)
Integrity: 6 (wrist area is in some disarray)
Eversion: 10 (inside is fully in, outside is fully out)
Colour: Yellow

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Rubber Gloves

Rubber glove #2

Rubber glove #2

It is possible – although by no means probable – that there exists, somewhere in the world, an ancient folk-saying that translates into English along the following lines:

A pair of gloves is two gloves
But two gloves aren’t necessarily a pair

It’s tempting to be cute and try to turn this into some kind of clever 4-line rhyme with line 1 establishing the set-up, the introduction of the word ‘beware’ as the final part of a new line 2 creating a pleasing rhyme with ‘pair’ in line 4; line 3 would be just filler, necessary to maintain the meter until we get to the payoff at the end. Tempting, but not tempting enough, so I won’t bother.

Anyway, here is the blog’s first multiple glove delivery. It consists of two gloves, but – and I can’t stress this enough – they are not a pair.

Glove #1
Slightly ragged folded glove with red oxide staining and partially ripped wrist.

Orientation: Left hand
Cleanliness: 7
Integrity: 9 (lower wrist seam partially torn)
Eversion: 10
Colour: Yellow

Glove #2
Good, solid example of a yellow rubber glove. Typical light to medium soiling around fingers and thumb. Bit of funny business going on around the wrist, but I put this down to naturally curling of the rubber rather than genuine artificial eversion. Very neatly triple-folded.

Orientation: Left hand
Cleanliness: 7 (light coverage with earthy soil)
Integrity: 10 (fully intact)
Eversion: 10 (right way around, no insides visible as presented)
Colour: Yellow

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Rubber Glove

Rubber glove

Today’s offering is a marvellous example of that most prized of species, the Yellow Rubber Glove. Its extremities are lightly dusted with earthy soil, and, in an exquisite tease, the wrist end has started to curl a bit, hinting at the smooth, velvety interior.

Orientation: Left hand
Cleanliness: 7
Integrity: 10
Eversion: 9
Colour: Yellow

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