Tag Archives: steps

Newsflash: Extensive Glove Archive Uncovered

A RARE collection of rubber glove photos unearthed from a north Wales computer archive has stunned local cats.

More than 10 photos of sacrificial gloves, including a unique blue glove, were discovered as the short haired human searched around on his external hard drive for an unrelated photo of a building.

Hidden for months, the photos provide a unique insight into the rubber glove collecting habits of a local black cat in June and July 2011.

Experts said the discovery disproved the myth that Jessie failed to bring any gloves back to the house between April 2011 and January 2012.

Instead, they said it showed Jessie had collected a wide range of gloves, from left handed to right handed, clean to dirty, in singles and in pairs.

The short haired human said that he knew immediately that he had stumbled upon a rare find.

“It was easy to see it was something special but we weren’t able to confirm that until someone with more knowledge had a look,” he said.

“The trouble is that there simply isn’t another collection like this in the world. As far as we know, Jessie is unique.”

Silky, a local cat, said the discovery could alter perceptions of the era.

She said: “This collection gives us our first proper overview of Jessie’s activities around July last year.

“Its enormous size not only gives us insights into what kind of gloves were available at the time, but also the kind of places that Jessie felt like leaving them.”

with apologies to the Birmingham Mail

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Plastic Rings

Plastic rings

I’ve been fetching rings and gloves for these stupid bloody humans as usual for the past 6 months but have they been documenting them? No they have not. It’s as if they’ve given up. Makes me wonder why I bother.

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Rubber Glove

BLACK RUBBER GLOVE. NO JOKE. THIS IS NOT AN APRIL FOOL – THIS IS REAL. THIS IS AS REAL AS IT GETS.

Orientation: Left hand
Cleanliness: 9 (small patches of damp mud, would probably wipe clean)
Integrity: 10 (fully intact)
Eversion: 9 (slight wrist-curl)
Colour: Black

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Rubber Gloves

12th February is St Margoldt’s Day. St Margoldt is the patron saint of household chores, motor oil and long-chain polymers. Here is what is known about St Margoldt’s life:

Margoldt of Scunthorpe (also known as Yellow Margoldt, probably as a result of jaundice) was born some time around 1220. He completed his studies at Grimsby and then returned to Scunthorpe where he became a hermit, living in a network of caves and tunnels underneath what is now Specsavers. Some sources list his death as being in 1285, others as 1295. Either way, he didn’t quite make the 14th century.

Miracles attributed to St Margoldt:
– A woman with dirty hands visits a well frequented by St Margoldt; she later finds that the stains have vanished
– After seeing St Margoldt in the street, a man waterproofs the hull of his small boat with tar. Despite making a right old mess and getting sticky black gunk in lots of places it shouldn’t be, his hands remain clean
– A washerwoman hears St Margoldt walk past her hut, whistling a tune. Later, despite having had her hands in water for over 2 hours, her finger ends are not in the slightest bit wrinkled
– A young child, playing in a muddy field, trips over one of St Margoldt’s sandals that came off as St Margoldt was returning to his cave after foraging for berries, and which he is now annoyed at having lost. When the young child stands up, he instinctively goes to wipe his hands on his smock, but notices to his astonishment that they are still dry

It is traditional on St Margoldt’s day to give a pair of rubber gloves to a loved one.

Glove 1
Orientation: Left hand
Cleanliness: 9
Integrity: 10
Eversion: 10 (100% right way round)

Glove 2
Orientation: Right hand
Cleanliness: 9
Integrity: 10
Eversion: 10 (100% right way round)

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Rubber Glove

I’ve written some new lyrics to Back Home, the classic England 1970 World Cup Song. My agent is waiting by the phone NOW ready to take calls from any adventurous major record labels willing to push a few boundaries and break a few rules. If you can’t get through at first because the lines are busy, keep trying!

(intro: clapping and brass stabs)
Ru-bberrrrrr – glove rubber glove rubber glove
Ru-bber glove rubber glove,
Ru-bberrrrrr – glove rubber glove rubber glove
Ru-bber glove rubber glove,
Ru-bberrrrrr – glove rubber glove rubber glove
Ru-bberrrrrr – glove rubber glove rubber glove
Ru-bber glove rubber glove rubber
Glove rubber glooooove ruuuu-berrrrrr

Orientation: Right hand
Cleanliness: 5 (filthy fingers and palm area)
Integrity: 10 (fully intact)
Eversion: 9 (slight wrist-curl)
Colour: Yellow

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Plastic Ring

– Ring ring
– Who’s there?
– Plastic
– Plastic who?
– Plastic Ring
– …
– what

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Bird

Robin

I brought you a robin. Merry Christmas.

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