Tag Archives: right-hand

Newsflash: Extensive Glove Archive Uncovered

A RARE collection of rubber glove photos unearthed from a north Wales computer archive has stunned local cats.

More than 10 photos of sacrificial gloves, including a unique blue glove, were discovered as the short haired human searched around on his external hard drive for an unrelated photo of a building.

Hidden for months, the photos provide a unique insight into the rubber glove collecting habits of a local black cat in June and July 2011.

Experts said the discovery disproved the myth that Jessie failed to bring any gloves back to the house between April 2011 and January 2012.

Instead, they said it showed Jessie had collected a wide range of gloves, from left handed to right handed, clean to dirty, in singles and in pairs.

The short haired human said that he knew immediately that he had stumbled upon a rare find.

“It was easy to see it was something special but we weren’t able to confirm that until someone with more knowledge had a look,” he said.

“The trouble is that there simply isn’t another collection like this in the world. As far as we know, Jessie is unique.”

Silky, a local cat, said the discovery could alter perceptions of the era.

She said: “This collection gives us our first proper overview of Jessie’s activities around July last year.

“Its enormous size not only gives us insights into what kind of gloves were available at the time, but also the kind of places that Jessie felt like leaving them.”

with apologies to the Birmingham Mail

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Rubber Gloves

12th February is St Margoldt’s Day. St Margoldt is the patron saint of household chores, motor oil and long-chain polymers. Here is what is known about St Margoldt’s life:

Margoldt of Scunthorpe (also known as Yellow Margoldt, probably as a result of jaundice) was born some time around 1220. He completed his studies at Grimsby and then returned to Scunthorpe where he became a hermit, living in a network of caves and tunnels underneath what is now Specsavers. Some sources list his death as being in 1285, others as 1295. Either way, he didn’t quite make the 14th century.

Miracles attributed to St Margoldt:
– A woman with dirty hands visits a well frequented by St Margoldt; she later finds that the stains have vanished
– After seeing St Margoldt in the street, a man waterproofs the hull of his small boat with tar. Despite making a right old mess and getting sticky black gunk in lots of places it shouldn’t be, his hands remain clean
– A washerwoman hears St Margoldt walk past her hut, whistling a tune. Later, despite having had her hands in water for over 2 hours, her finger ends are not in the slightest bit wrinkled
– A young child, playing in a muddy field, trips over one of St Margoldt’s sandals that came off as St Margoldt was returning to his cave after foraging for berries, and which he is now annoyed at having lost. When the young child stands up, he instinctively goes to wipe his hands on his smock, but notices to his astonishment that they are still dry

It is traditional on St Margoldt’s day to give a pair of rubber gloves to a loved one.

Glove 1
Orientation: Left hand
Cleanliness: 9
Integrity: 10
Eversion: 10 (100% right way round)

Glove 2
Orientation: Right hand
Cleanliness: 9
Integrity: 10
Eversion: 10 (100% right way round)

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Rubber Glove

I’ve written some new lyrics to Back Home, the classic England 1970 World Cup Song. My agent is waiting by the phone NOW ready to take calls from any adventurous major record labels willing to push a few boundaries and break a few rules. If you can’t get through at first because the lines are busy, keep trying!

(intro: clapping and brass stabs)
Ru-bberrrrrr – glove rubber glove rubber glove
Ru-bber glove rubber glove,
Ru-bberrrrrr – glove rubber glove rubber glove
Ru-bber glove rubber glove,
Ru-bberrrrrr – glove rubber glove rubber glove
Ru-bberrrrrr – glove rubber glove rubber glove
Ru-bber glove rubber glove rubber
Glove rubber glooooove ruuuu-berrrrrr

Orientation: Right hand
Cleanliness: 5 (filthy fingers and palm area)
Integrity: 10 (fully intact)
Eversion: 9 (slight wrist-curl)
Colour: Yellow

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Rubber Glove

Rubber glove

Glove binge! Two in one day. No jokes necessary, just the facts: two gloves in one day. And as much as it might be tempting to think that that makes a pair, it doesn’t, they’re both right-handed.

Orientation: Right hand
Cleanliness: 6
Integrity: 10
Eversion: 10
Colour: Yellow

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Rubber Glove

Rubber glove

Hey, I heard you like rubber gloves so I brought you a rubber glove.

Orientation: Right hand
Cleanliness: 7 (a bit mucky)
Integrity: 10 (fully intact)
Eversion: 10 (outside out, inside in)
Colour: Yellow

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Rubber Glove

Rubber glove

Ladies and gentlemen – shout it from the rooftops! Cry out in uninhibited joy! The tyranny of the left-handed glove is (temporarily) over! After a hat-trick of sinister hands to start the blog – who thought it would ever end? – here is our first right-handed specimen. And what a beauty it is! So many wonderful things to say about this one. First of all, it’s filthy. The fingers are extensively stained, as is the palm (not visible in this photo). In places, the muck is really thick – good, solid, weighty staining. Deep, rich, dark red stains. Not just smearing, but big dollops of stuff. Could it be blood? Probably not. Could it?

The glove was left on the steps leading to the front door, over 3 (three) metres from the doormat itself. The first step above ground zero, to be precise. This is a record by some margin, and is actually close to not even being on the property at all.

Another very interesting thing – this is a Night Glove. It was deposited at around 2am.

Orientation: Right hand
Cleanliness: 6 (dirty fingers and palm; unknown red substance)
Integrity: 10 (fully intact)
Eversion: 10 (it must be noted that there are suggestions of melting and crinkling at the end of the wrist, as if caused by exposure to heat or solvent. Strictly, though, this is mild inversion (outside turned in), rather than eversion (inside turned out), so the eversion score must remain as 10.)

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